I wanted to talk about something I have been personally supporting someone very special in my life with that I think is so valuable and I wanted to share!

Being single can feel so lonely and isolating especially as you watch others successfully date and partner up! I know first hand from my clients that the dating apps can be extremely unenjoyable, dating in New York City can be terrifying and dating burnout is real!

I personally feel so grateful that I narrowly escaped the dating era where dating apps were the way. And grateful that I worked in a bar where was a revolving door of options, don’t get me wrong you still had to weed out MANY people. But you could still meet IRL. I can, however, relate to being single. I can relate to feeling alone. I can relate to feeling like nothing ever worked out and I was never going to meet anyone. I can relate to feeling like I was running out of time to meet “the one” and get married. Side note: Still not married.

I have worked with so many incredible women that would relate to this too! And what I started to see through this work was this pattern of “waiting.” Waiting to meet the partner to travel, to buy a house, to live!

Ways I have seen clients be in “waiting”:

1. Hesitant to book that awesome vacation because they want to do it with a partner
2. Waiting to check out a great new restaurant because they want to save it to go with someone special
3. Procrastinating buying a property because they never envisioned doing it alone
4. Avoiding events, parties, outings if it is going to mainly a couples thing
5. Staying in on a weekend because you are feeling upset about your singlehood
6. Emotionally feeling like life is on hold until they meet someone
7. Believing that all things will get better when they partner up

If you can relate, then here are some things I did when I was single and what I encouraged my clients to do to help get out of the loneliness and out of the waiting:

1. Adopting this mantra: Live is meant to be lived! I repeat this to myself even now when I need a little motivation to say yes and get out of my rut or routine
2. Create new opportunities! Seek out new things to do and places to go. Shake it up a bit. Explore a different part of the city, try something new that is maybe outside your comfort zone.
3. Take yourself out! One thing about being single in your 30’s or 40’s is that a lot of your friends’ lives are now on different paths. Not everyone can go out all the time. I always loved going to dinner solo. If that feels too overwhelming start with a solo coffee date
4. Gratitude: Imagine all that is good about your current situation, the time that you have, the ability to spend it with and working on yourself
5. Stay open and curious! I love the word curious and the idea of being open and excited about life. Adopt it as a way of being.

And here is the real bonus when you start to implement these things and you start to live your life, not only are you having more fun, but you are also probably more yourself and in joy. From that place you are going to attract more people. And even if you don’t remember: Live is meant to be lived! So, get off your couch, get out of your waiting and get out there!