In episode 25 of “Quiet the Clock,” Lindsey Metselaar, host of “We Met at Acme,” talks about the challenges of modern dating, especially for women in their mid-30s to early 40s who are considering freezing their eggs.
Beth and Lindsey discuss the pressure women feel from societal timelines, the idea of being curious while dating, and the struggle to find the right balance between being bold and not being too forward in making the first move.
They tackle the idea that strong successful women can’t meet anyone because men are intimidated by a woman’s success. Lindsey has a mic drop moment when she boldly states that, “boys are intimidated not men.”
Quotes:
00:04:05 “I don’t want to just go with anyone. Like, I’m not going to lower my standards and just settle, I want to know that I’m making the right decision or I want to put my career first.”
00:05:32 “There’s not enough men that are ready now. They’re like the unready man or like the Peter Pan men.”
00:06:36 “Men are more confused than ever because there’s so much different information out there about what women want. And that’s why I try to have these men, like, you know, see the rules that I have for men dating women and hopefully follow them, which is a lot about taking action.”
00:07:42, “I have so many single female clients that are waiting for the guy to ask them out but they won’t make the move.”
00:11:48 “ Having a type puts your person in a box that’s unrealistic for them and it’s unrealistic for you if they had a type too because there’s so much more than a type. Like personality is the number one thing that actually sustains relationships like through years and years.”
00:12:50, “I think there’s all these great mindset shifts that can happen to help you be a little bit more successful because I know from you know my dating journey and my clients it can get very frustrating it can get defeating it can get disappointing so how can you continue to approach it in a way that leaves you open?”
00:20:09 “the men that I know that I respect think it’s really cool when a woman has her own thing going on.”
00:21:23 “For the most part, men assume that a woman wants kids in marriage unless they’re told otherwise.”
00:21:31 “I think some women will come into strong when it comes to wanting kids and marriage, but I think you can want those things and still like not lead with them necessarily.”
00:26:58 “For all you know, the next person you meet, you’ll be stuck with them forever, and you’ll be like, Oh, I wish I appreciated dating a little bit more.”
Key Points:
The pressure on women to find a partner [00:04:27] Discussion on the pressure women face to find a partner as they get older and the impact it has on their dating choices.
The man deficit and men’s confusion [00:06:43] Exploration of the man deficit and the confusion men face in understanding what women want in relationships.
The fragility and optionality in modern dating [00:08:52] Conversation about the fragility of men in dating and the tendency for people to give up easily and move on to the next option.
The importance of being open-minded [00:10:56] Exploring the idea of being open to different possibilities and versions of a person in relationships.
The problem with having a type [00:12:50] Discussing the negative effects of having a specific type and how it can limit potential relationships.
Approaching dating with curiosity [00:16:03] Encouraging a mindset of curiosity and getting to know the person rather than focusing on being interesting.
The assumption of marriage and kids [00:21:23] Discussion on the assumption that women want marriage and kids, and the labeling of women over 35 as the “danger zone.”
Women sharing their egg freezing age [00:23:24] Exploration of why some women feel the need to disclose their egg freezing age upfront and the possible reasons behind it.
Women making the first move in dating [00:24:12] Conversation about women being more bold and making the first move in dating, with the suggestion to back off and let the man show interest.