In episode 23 of Quiet The Clock, Jon Birger, a former senior writer at Fortune and Money Magazine, discusses his book “Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game,” which explores the dating challenges faced by women in major cities today.
Jon reveals that the dating imbalance in these cities is caused by higher percentages of women graduating from college than men. Jon also shares other demographic trends that lead to many women who are eligible and ready for long-term partnerships, struggling to find anyone to settle down with.
Beth and Jon also discuss societal changes, like the #MeToo movement, and how that has impacted the way that current dating occurs and women’s role in the process of beginning courtship.
They explore the advantage women have when they are willing to make the first move in dating and discuss the inspiration that led him to write, “Make Your Move,” which empowers women to be assertive in their dating lives. Jon shares that research shows a large percentage of men want women to make the first move!
Quotes:
- “Because of the #MeToo movement, rightfully, men are more cautious now about making the first move.”
- “I think if you look at the dating books that have been most popular over the past 20 years, books like “The Rules and All of its Followers”, the message of those books was telling women that the message they want to send to men is that “not interested” means keep trying.” – Jon
- “I use that line on the on the lecture circuit, men like women who like them there’s like men nodding in unison, women looking at me like I’m crazy because they women have been socialized to think that the way you get a guy to like you is by playing hard to get” – Jon
- “Guys can be oblivious. If you’ve already identified a guy who you think might be right for you, you should go for it. Because if you’re waiting for him to notice, he might not.” – Jon
Key Points:
- [00:05:49] The lopsided sex ratios in the post-college dating markets are influenced by the dating culture.
- [00:07:07] Discussion of how the author’s second book “Make Your Move” was prompted by the many questions he received asking for solutions after reading “Date-onomics.”
- [00:08:16] Women need to be more assertive and proactive in dating, considering the imbalance in sex ratios and the impact of the #MeToo movement.
- [00:14:26] Discussing the advantage women have when they are willing to make the first move in dating.
- [00:24:31] Research shows that both men and women struggle to recognize when they are being flirted with.
- [00:24:31] There are many reasons women often hesitate to make the first move, including societal narratives and fear of rejection.