Quiet The Clock Podcast

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In Episode 31 of Quiet The Clock, we are joined by Julie Newman and Lauren Milo to discuss the intricacies of modern dating, relationships, and the societal pressures that accompany women in this process. The conversation delves into various facets of modern dating, touching on subjects like the burden of responsibility placed on women, the exclusion of men from empathetic conversations, and the disappointment in the lack of accountability for men while dating.



The conversation also explores the importance of clear communication in relationships, the potential dangers of reinforcing anxious attachment styles, and the often-overlooked art of courting in today’s dating landscape. Lauren & Julie share valuable insights and perspectives that challenge societal norms while encouraging women to seek self-discovery and make meaningful connections. 




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Quotes:

  • Julie, 00:06:50, “It was just upsetting to read…it was just disappointing…this could have been an opportunity for John to write a book or start the shift of holding men accountable and helping to teach men these skills that women already know and we’re just waiting for men to step up.”
  • Laruen, 00:31:20, “Congratulations, oh you worked really hard and you have a great job and you like it, guess what? No one’s around for you to marry.” 
  • Laruen, 00:45:50, “Your self-worth is not defined by the partner that you have.” 

Key Points:

  • The burden of responsibility on women [00:02:54] the burden of responsibility placed on women in the dating world and society, particularly regarding fertility and motherhood. Can we identify who is saying the key points?
  • Excluding men from empathetic conversations [00:04:11] Lauren & Julie express frustration about the lack of inclusion of men in conversations about empathy and societal expectations, relating to dating and relationships.
  • Disappointment in men not being held accountable [00:07:30] Lauren & Julie  express disappointment in the lack of accountability for men and the missed opportunity for John Berger to address and teach men the same skills women are expected to know.
  • The value of clear communication [00:08:35] Discussing the importance of clear communication in relationships and the idea of giving men the green light to take the lead.
  • The potential dangers of reinforcing anxious attachment styles [00:09:08] Exploring the potential negative effects of encouraging anxiously attached women to initiate and make moves in relationships.
  • The lost art of courting [00:10:44] Highlighting the fun and importance of courting in modern dating and sharing personal experiences of successful courting.
  • Topic 1: Building intimacy and feeling safe on a first date [00:15:17] Discussion on the importance of creating small moments of intimacy and feeling safe on a first date, and the need to prioritize personal safety.
  • Topic 2: Taking responsibility for our own emotional safety [00:16:45] Exploring the idea that it is our responsibility to do our own work and feel safe, rather than relying on others to make us feel safe.
  • Topic 3: Lack of emotional availability in the dating pool [00:19:27] Discussion on encountering emotionally unavailable men in the dating world, and the need for men to have resources and promote personal growth in emotional competence.
  • Reviewing Dating History [00:23:40] Lauren & Julie discuss the importance of reviewing past relationships through the lens of personal growth and change.
  • Preparing to Reconnect with an Ex [00:24:46] Highlighting the need for personal healing and growth before considering getting back with a former partner.
  • Dating Younger [00:27:07] Exploring the idea of prioritizing dating in one’s 20s and the challenges of dating in later years.
  • The frustration of college-educated women [00:30:23] Discussion about the catch-22 faced by college-educated women in terms of education versus finding a partner.
  • The defining decade and societal narratives [00:31:30] Exploration of the book “The Defining Decade” and how societal narratives about time and dreams can create insecurity for college students.
  • The age factor in dating [00:33:07] Conversation about a theory that there is a specific age range (around 28 to 31) where men may not be interested in marriage or a steady relationship.
  • Dating apps as a convenient tool [00:37:34] Discussion on the convenience and benefits of using dating apps to meet new people.
  • The importance of mindset in using dating apps [00:38:28] Exploring the mindset and approach one should have when using dating apps for better success.
  • Creating secondary vulnerability in dating [00:40:14] Encouraging the use of deliberate stories or sharing comfortable aspects of oneself to establish connection and avoid oversharing on first dates.
  • The pressure of finding a partner [00:45:04] Lauren & Julie discuss how women feel pressure to find a partner before undergoing egg freezing and how this pressure affects their dating experiences.
  • Self-worth and relationships [00:45:43] Lauren emphasizes that self-worth should not be defined by the partner one has and that a good partner enhances, but does not define, one’s identity.
  • Dating and the fear of rejection [00:46:22] Lauren & Julie talk about the fear of rejection and hurt in dating and how it affects people’s willingness to try new things and pursue relationships.

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