In episode 21 of Quiet The Clock, Marcia Inhorn, a Professor at Yale and author of the book “Motherhood on Ice: The Mating Gap and Why Women Freeze Their Eggs,” discusses the findings from her research in which she interviewed 150 women regarding their experiences with egg-freezing.
Her research revealed that over 82% of women freeze their eggs because they cannot find an equal partner. Many women in her study were single and desired partnership, pregnancy, and parenthood, but struggled to find men who were eligible, educated, and equal.
Marcia even added the word eager which highlighted the fact that even when women found a partner they were not eager to marry or have children. The gender dynamics and socialization of men and women were explored, with women expressing frustration at men’s lack of readiness for commitment and their intimidation of successful women. Marcia and Beth both discuss the importance of talking to men to understand their perspectives and experiences with dating and partnering up.
Inhorn shares that the mating gap is partly a result of more women than men excelling and completing higher education. The numbers are just not in women’s favor as they navigate the dating world looking for an equal partner. Women then turn to egg freezing as a way to preserve their fertility while they continue to find partnership, without feeling like they have to settle or lower their standards.
She emphasizes that egg freezing is not a perfect solution and should be considered as a tool for reproductive choice for women in their 30s who have not found suitable partners. While it gives women the option to preserve their fertility it is not a foolproof insurance plan.
Quotes:
- “Women want the three P’s: partnership, pregnancy, and parenthood, but they lack the three E’s: men who are eligible, educated, and equal.” – Marcia Inhorn
- “Women believe they have been socialized to want something, to want to be with men, and that men are not socialized in the same way.” – Marcia Inhorn
- “Women shouldn’t be blaming themselves for not having a partner. It’s not their fault.” – Marcia Inhorn
- “Women really talked about this, that it was really I don’t know what happened. I’m mystified. I think I’m a dateable person. I am mystified but I’m in the situation where I don’t have a partner and I really want to be a mom.”
- “I think there is this great need and desire for women to understand what’s happening on the other side here. What’s going on with these men?”
- “Egg freezing does give a new option to women in this country and beyond.”
- “While there was so much relief in doing it and having that “insurance policy” and a little bit more time, there was also this feeling of ‘I wish I had done it sooner.’”
Key Points:
- [0:00:00] Women want partnership, pregnancy, and parenthood
- [0:03:13] 82% of women freeze their eggs due to partnership problems
- [0:05:05]Women struggle to find men who are eligible, educated, and equal
- [0:08:42]Men are often intimidated by successful, educated women
- [0:11:50]Men’s readiness for commitment and fatherhood is a big concern
- [0:14:18]The “man deficit” – more educated women than men in society
- [0:17:34]The need for men’s perspective and understanding in this issue
- [0:20:14]Considering alternative paths, such as single motherhood by choice
- [0:22:08]Egg freezing as a technological tool for reproductive choice
- [0:25:43]Women should not blame themselves and be compassionate towards themselves
Follow Marcia Inhorn:
https://anthropology.yale.edu/people/marcia-c-inhorn
Get professional counseling from Beth and her team:
Visit NYC Therapeutic Wellness here